We are about to take off an a one day adventure, crossing off another item on our list! Today we will be gathering up all our friends for a bus tour around the breweries of San Diego!! Doesn’t that sound so much more sophisticated that “we are beer hopping in a bus”.  But, seriously, Nikki is thrilled and I can’t wait to head down to San Diego to help cheer on her birthday, as well as her hubby Michael’s birthday as well.  Yep, those two crazy lovebirds share a birthday month, so we will be cheering them both on today and having another adventure.  This time with our friends surrounding us.

Pictures to come!

xoxo, Christina

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Mother:

The word mother has always brought up a great deal of sadness for me. I have never had a typical relationship with my mother and until recently carried around a ton of guilt when it came to the thought of her. Christine P. Adams was a “beautiful disaster” as my BFF Kelly Clarkson would say. She could be captivating and free spirited one minute and deeply sad and withdrawn the next. My childhood was spent watching her every move, awaiting the inevitable change when the sadness returned and everything would fall apart. To say that I spent my younger years being hyper vigilant would be a major understatement. Whenever I would come home to the small two bedroom apartment we shared I would brace myself, not sure who would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

Once I graduated from high school I made the very difficult decision to leave my mother’s home and fight for my own autonomy. Not only did I watch over my mother I, but I took care of her as well. Once the news papers began to pile up, the apartment rarely saw the light of day. Inevitably, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be visiting her in a mental ward somewhere. Yet, I knew that leaving was the only way I would ever have a life of my own. Unfortunately, it was also the end of our relationship.

My mother passed away peacefully in her sleep on May 5, 2011. The years before she died she resided in a convalescent hospital unable to communicate or see due multiple strokes. The women that I knew would have never wanted to live that way. The person that I hold in my heart was strong, intelligent, and fought off her demons with everything she had. She took me fishing and taught me how to tell time with sea shells at our favorite beach. She would tell me all the time that I was loved and could do anything I set my mind too. It was very important to her to be the best mother to me she could. Even though our relationship was difficult I always knew I was loved. Like most people, when I found out I had cancer my first thought was “I want my mommy!!” All I wanted was to be able to tell her and have her hold me and tell me it would be ok.

I like to think that she watches over me now, free of her pain and illness. That is what I think about when I hear the word mother. All the years of sadness and guilt …I have let them go.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”  Hermann Hesse

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That is when the universe intervened and introduced me to Jaime Hayes and her holistic studio Dantian Studio.  I jumped at the opportunity to be apart of the studio, and find out for myself what it meant to be healthy in all aspects of my life.

The key difference between this and a gym?  The goal is to achieve harmony for your physical and spiritual body. Isn’t that what we all want?  To be peaceful and healthy?

I don’t know about you, but I have always struggled to find the balance between enjoying my life (I hope to die on a desert island with brie, red wine, and french bread!) and taking care of my body.  But, the body part…. the “I wanna look good in a bikini” part doesn’t cover it all.  You need to be healthy with your emotions and your heart too. That will be the hardest journey for me.  To be able to understand my road blocks, my setbacks, and to also come to peace with any grief or fear I have in my heart.  The thought of losing my best friend is something that takes over my body, and past losses continue to leave an imprint on my heart.  These things need to healed.

SO, for the next couple of months I will be involving you on my journey.  My hope is that if I share my struggles, accomplishments, and experiences with my readers, that I will be accountable and in turn hopefully inspire some of you to join me.  Beauty is not just makeup or hair products.  Beauty is feeling whole, loved, and proud of yourself.  I want to glow from the inside.

WEEK ONE:

The classes are small, which I adore.

It makes it feel personal, and intimate.  I have immediately connected with the instructors and never feel lost, or overwhelmed. Listen, I am out of shape. Out. Of. Shape!  I tried going to larger group classes, and always felt embarrassed or overwhelmed with the classes. In truth, I would walk out of most and give up. They have a great, diverse list of classes, which helps to prevent workout burnout and boredom. The schedule includes CrossCore 180, Sculpt, Bootcamp, Yoga, Pilates mat, Taji, and meditation.

My first classes have been Yoga, Pilates and CrossCore.  They all have effected me in distinctly different ways:

• Yoga:  I feel healed, but was admittedly surprised by the emotions that flowed out of me at the end.  It was as if I had squeezed something out of me during downward dog!  This is the one class I will be most looking forward to. Incredibly emotionally rewarding.
• Pilates: Can we just rename this ass-cramp?  My goodness, I was twitching and making faces the whole class.  Is my body supposed to shake like this?? Ironically, after class I walked alittle taller… and felt sexy.  Weird, but bring it on!
• CrossCore:  This class just might be the death of me. It was an out of body experience, that made me look like a sweating red beast.  I am not even going to pretend I was good at all the lunges and push ups, but I am now more determined than ever to conquer these ropes. Please don’t judge me if I cry after class.

Dantian Studio’s will also be customizing a regimen of natural healing therapies, nutritional counseling, life coaching, and soul alignment workshops for me. At first I was overwhelmed at the prospect of overhauling my life.  But, the truth is, I know that I desperately need this.  It won’t be easy, but it is necessary.  This week I will be meeting with a nutritionist and the practitioner for NPL therapy. I have been told they are miracle workers.

Later this week I will dive into more treatments, and keep you updated on the progress.  I am sore, but proud of myself for this.

In honor of Nikki, Mia, and myself. xoxo

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Hearing that you have cancer brings about all kinds of responses in people. The first time I was told I had cancer I went into a total trance and didn’t wake until it was all over.

In fact, I told very few people.  It was almost if “I don’t have to say it out load, than this isn’t happening”.  I made my best friend swear she wouldn’t tell anyone and I had a total moratorium on pictures.  No pictures were to be taken of me until my hair came back! I even went through my treatment as if it were a race.  The finish line being normalcy again.

While I was going through treatment I came across all kinds of people, going through various types of treatments for all different cancers. The infusion room/chemo room is where we all came together. It was like an exclusive club for cancer patients.  Most of these rooms are the same.  Row upon row of recliners, each with its own iv station next to it. Some of the patients are alone, wrapped in a blanket and listening to music or napping until it’s time to be disconnected and sent home. Others are with a family member, friend or husband, chatting quietly and trying not to disturb the napper next to them.

When you walk into this room for the first time it’s impossible not to have the full extent of your current circumstance come crashing down on you. It’s a “holy shit, this is really happening to me” moment.  Some people cry, others pray, and then there are people like me…..those that walk in, and sit down as if their possessed; completely checked out. I didn’t want to be a sick person and I surely didn’t want to be treated differently or have anyone feel sorry for me.  You see, I have never been big on the crying and I’m certainly not going to start praying.  Instead, I checked out emotionally and headed out for my extended cruise on the high seas of denial. Once I finished my treatment and was given the thumbs up by my doctor I was able to disembark the ship and go back to normal.

Unfortunately, normal didn’t last long.  Before I knew it I was being diagnosed with metastatic breast bone cancer. Now, with my current diagnosis I’m learning to deal with it. I’m allowing those who love me to be there for me and I’m dealing with my physical limitations. I still struggle with telling people and I’m learning how to navigate the sometimes awkward response I get from people. I guess the main thing is that there is no script or manual for handling a life threatening illness.

I’m working on not being so hard on myself. I am learning to give myself credit for the fact that I woke up and got out of bed and was productive for the day. I’m now committed to living my life with the people I love and doing the things that I have continuously put off for another day. Having cancer reminds me of something a very wise man has told me, “you can’t turn chicken shit into chicken salad.” In other words the only thing we can control or change is what we do with the time we have.

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Although, lately I have found that doing the job I love so very much has become difficult due to my health. I have always said that if I’m unable to give 100% to the population I serve, or feel I’m becoming a burnt out cliché’ of a social worker, I would leave.  I never thought my leaving would be due to cancer.

I find myself having difficulty with the long hours, not to mention the emotional toll it takes on me listening to one heart breaking story after another. I thought that continuing with my job would be a good distraction. You know, the whole “doing for others helps to get you out of your own head” theory. Unfortunately, ever since I was diagnosed I have been struggling with the incredibly hard and difficult decision I have had to make. I must find a new passion.

I could get really pissed off that cancer has not only taken my health away, but is now taking away the career that I worked so hard to obtain…. instead I choose to see it as an opportunity to find something else I can get passionate about.  It may sound silly, but I made a decision early on that I was not going to give cancer any sort of triumph over my life.  I understand that I will need to reevaluate and make accommodations in order to remain healthy but I will not let it change me. I’m still and will always be the “stubborn, bleeding heart, always believes people are capable of change no matter what” social worker at heart.

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Thank you again!

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I have been putting together all the pictures and journaling about a week in New York ever since we got back. There have been moments when it feels all so personal and precious that I don’t want to share the memory…..but, that is not what our site is about. Sharing our moments is what makes them real, and even more meaningful.

Another thing that is incredibly important for us to share is that this trip would not have been possible without the generous support, and encouragement from our friend Janet Hanson. Seriously, we are forever grateful for her sponsorship and the fact that she so enthusiastically cheers us on. Janet is a woman that inspires you to keep fighting, and never give up!

So, onto our big day at the Rock. We stared out our adventure by visiting the set of Saturday Night Live. You heard that right! Our friend Laurie Berdan generously gave us a tour of the set and showed us the inner workings of what production goes through. From the props to the set design, it was amazing to see first hand how hard everyone works and how much goes into every weeks production. The best part?…. We got to go up on the stage!! Jellybean and Beanhead were SNL hosts! So. Cool.

Next, we were onto the rink. First off, apparently Nikki has super super secret skill for ice skating. I, on the other hand, held onto the railing for dear life. Who knew that ice skating equals massive thigh burning! But, it was worth every second. Nikki and I skated around the rink (actually I just followed her around the rink), and both wiped out brilliantly. Nikki’s was far more impressive, as she just fell forward and promptly got up and cheered. I fell flat on my derrière. Quite the spectacle, that was thankfully not caught on tape.

After our skate, we headed to the Rock Center Grill, and plopped down in front of a window seat that overlooked the ice and the other skaters. The best moment….watching a proposal on the rink. Ridiculously romantic. Nikki and I ate almost every appetizer on the menu, with a debate still going as to whether my truffle Mac n’Cheese or her Crab Cake was better (I still say the Mac was the winner!). Nikki’s commentary of the other skaters was priceless. Line of the night? “You hav to be really skinny to pull off flower pants”. Brilliant. Champagne topped the evening off, and we stumbled four blocks back to the hotel where Nikki ended the night by jumping on the bed. I couldn’t have written it, or wished it to be a better day.

My heart is still full with the memory. That sounds so cheesy, but it is true. This day was perfect.

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Below, is the brief list of things that we were able to accomplish while we tackled New York.  But, in all honesty, our favorite moments were when we were walking around the city, and eating a ridiculous amount of great food and good wine.  It was a week of just enjoying each others company, and appreciating all the fantastic food, the fascinating people, and bustling surroundings.  That is what New York is all about, right?  Seriously, I actually think we ate our way through New York, and Nikki is convinced that I ate anything with a Truffle in it…and she isn’t too far off!  (*the truffle mac n’cheese at the Rockefeller Center Cafe are to die for*)

The first night we arrived, I asked Nikki what she truly felt about what was happening.  Her response will forever be imprinted on my heart.  For Nikki, this is not the end game.  This trip is hopefully the start of so much more. 

“Dying is not the end of you. It can actually be the beginning of alot of amazing things. Things you never payed attention to before. It makes everything clear. How you want to spend your time, and more importantly, how you don’t want to spend it. It honestly filters out all of the bullshit. “

• Ice Skated at Rockefeller Center Ice Rink – *it must be noted that we both fell, and I have it caught on camera!*
• Visited the set of Saturday Night Live (and stood on the stage!)
• Saw the Broadway show Wicked
• Take the subway to visit Williamsburg, Brooklyn
• Sang Broadway show tunes at Marie’s Crisis in the West Village
• Walked around Soho and saw Jake Gyllenhaall *squeeee*
• Favorite meal in New York City was the Belgin restaurant Resto
• Saw a late night show at the Comedy Celler
• Watched a blues band at GrooveNYC in Greenwich Villiage
• Walked (and ate) our way around Times Square, the Upper East Side, Lower East Side, and the Theatre District.
• Nikki got to have her favorite Dunken Donuts coffee

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I am up very late, packing away.  You see, Nikki and I will be heading out on one of our first travel adventure!

On Friday morning we will be heading to New York City for a whole week of mad cap mayhem.  On our list is Ice Skating in Rockefeller Center….and maybe even Central Park. Wandering around Chelsea, and eating our way through the village.  Visiting some friends, and having some time to just be together without the burden of work.

Ironically, New York is both Nikki and my favorite city….yet, we have never been there together.  So, you can only imagine how special this chance is for us.  I am beyond grateful that I finally get to experience one of my favorite places in the world with my best friend.  I feel in my heart that I will discover a new love for the city because I will get to experience it through her eyes.

Expect posts, pictures, and video from our trip. We promise to share some of the best (and craziest) moments with all of you.

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