My mother

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Mother: a female parent: to give birth to: also: produce: to care for or protect like a mother. The word mother has always brought up a great deal of sadness for me. I have never had a typical relationship with my mother and until recently carried around a ton of guilt when it came to the thought of her. Christine P. Adams was a “beautiful disaster” as my BFF Kelly Clarkson would say. She could be captivating and free spirited one minute and deeply sad and withdrawn the next. My childhood … [Read more...]

Letting People In

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Hearing that you have cancer brings about all kinds of responses in people. The first time I was told I had cancer I went into a total trance and didn't wake until it was all over. In fact, I told very few people.  It was almost if “I don’t have to say it out load, than this isn't happening”.  I made my best friend swear she wouldn't tell anyone and I had a total moratorium on pictures.  No pictures were to be taken of me until my hair came back! I even went through my … [Read more...]

Finding A New Passion

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Working with homeless teenagers is my passion. The young men and women that I work with never cease to amaze me with their strength and resilience. I can honestly say that I learn something new every day from the young people I have the honor to work with. Although, lately I have found that doing the job I love so very much has become difficult due to my health. I have always said that if I’m unable to give 100% to the population I serve, or feel I’m becoming a burnt out cliché’ of a … [Read more...]

Hot Flash!

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When we started this blog I promised myself that I was not going to write about treatment and the daily crap of cancer. I wanted our site to be about hope and living, and not focus on being sick. But, at the moment all I can think about is that I am burning up.  Hot flashes are a bitch!!! I hate them. I have a new and very humbled view of the daily battle one wages not to burst in to flames. You see, every 20 minutes or so my insides heat up and I become a completely crazed mad woman. It … [Read more...]

My Insurance Company is Trying To Kill Me……

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Dear Health Insurance Company, My name is Nicole Yablun and I’m 36 years old and I have recently been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. My husband and I have been loyal customers that have always paid our bill on time. I’m writing you today to ask one simple question: why are you trying to kill me?? No, I assure you I’m not crazy and nor am I paranoid with aluminum foil over my windows trying to keep people from reading my thoughts. I’m just your average young women with cancer … [Read more...]

The Day I Met Percocet

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At this point I have had all kinds of tests, biopsies, and scans. You name it, and I have had it. So, when they told me I needed to have a needle biopsy of my collar bone, my first thought was “bring it”. Until I remembered that it was broken due to a tumor, which then turned my thoughts into oh my #$#%!# !!!! I have had a needle biopsy before, but this time they were sticking a needle in a fractured bone.  I showed up to the procedure pretty optimistic, and thinking I knew what to … [Read more...]

The Face

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Going to the doctor has never been my jam. I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my primary care doctor. Thankfully, I have always been a healthy person and other than the occasional checkup or yearly “lady visit” (which I have always felt should somehow involve an open bar) my relationship with my doctor was uneventful at best. Recently things have changed. The last two times I have gone in for what I assumed would be our usual visit was anything but. The first of these … [Read more...]

The Gift

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My Aunt is one of the bravest women I know. She and I share many things, such as a birthday, our stubbornness, and unfortunately metastatic breast cancer. She tells me every day, “If I could take this from you I would.” I have watched her fight her cancer with strength, grace, and a sense of humor. She was given 3 months to live 6 years ago and has no intention of slowing down. She is my cancer muse and whom I gather strength from. My Aunt bought me a book mark with a poem on it from the … [Read more...]